What if…….."We don’t just inherit eye color or mannerisms from our parents—we also inherit patterns, wounds, and beliefs we never asked for.”

As I do on most of my morning walks with Sunny, I have conversations with the invisible but every present. This morning was no different - today it was with my father. I don’t typically chat with him as in life I didn’t really know him. I’ve written about it, if your curious you can check out the post.

I hold no anger towards him but his actions did begin a chain of events for me that not only had great impact on my life but also had huge impact on my kid’s lives and my partner’s lives. I am hopeful that watching me in action, my kids learned a lot of what not to do. It seems like they had some important and helpful takeaways the biggest being “whatever you do, don’t follow Mom’s example” at least when it comes to relationships. I write it only half joking!!

Now I’m sure that was never his intention. He was doing what he felt like he had to, needed to  or even wanted to do (without thought or maybe with thought I can’t say as I don’t know) not realizing his actions would continue to play out long after he had left this life.  The impression he left on me as a man, a partner and a parent has been my life’s unlearning. At first not understanding the full implication of my very first experience of love, value, and care - how could I even begin to comprehend how it would shape every aspect of my belief system and consequentially my choices? Wow!! That’s a lot to digest - even now.

Thankfully but painfully, I have made choices that have forced me to go within and really sit with all the sadness, shame,  and guilt. Processing it, moving it, integrating it and ultimately learning to love every damn bit of  it.

"We are not destined to repeat the patterns we come from. Awareness gives us choice. Healing gives us freedom. And every step we take toward growth is a step toward becoming the partner and parent we once needed ourselves."