The First Day of a New Beginning: Lifting the Veil

In this new beginning, life is gentle, transparent, and peaceful. The air is clearer, the weight of uncertainty dissolves, and the path forward—once hidden in mist—now glows with quiet certainty. There is no need to force, no need to push or pull at life. Instead, everything flows smoothly, like a river that has always known its way.

Expansion is ever-present. It is in the ease of conversation, the deep inhale of possibility, the stillness between moments where wisdom quietly reveals itself. Even when challenges arise, they do not bring the same resistance they once did. There is no spiraling into confusion or clinging to old narratives of chaos. Instead, there is understanding—challenges are no longer walls but doorways, each one opening with grace and patience. And with this shift, something remarkable happens: prosperity begins to flow—not just in wealth, but in alignment, clarity, and purpose. The mind no longer fights against what should be and instead embraces what is. The path appears, not because it was hidden from us, but because we have finally stopped searching for it outside of ourselves.

For so long, we have been told that the truth is obscured by a veil—that enlightenment, clarity, and the answers we seek are hidden, just beyond reach. But what if the veil is not something external? What if it was never placed upon us by the world, by fate, by circumstance? What if we were the ones holding it up all along?

The veil is our conditioning, our fears, our attachment to old stories. It is the belief that we are separate from wisdom, from divine connection, from knowing. It is the unconscious choice to stay blind when seeing might demand change. But here’s the secret: we are free to remove it whenever we choose.

Lifting the veil is not an act of discovery—it is an act of permission. It is the moment we decide to trust ourselves. It is the moment we stop waiting for a sign, for an outside force to unveil the truth. That perhaps there is some cosmic barrier separating us from what deep in our soul we know. It is the quiet realization that we were never locked out, never disconnected, never lost. There is no waiting for the right moment or a mystical sign—it’s about courage. The courage to release old limitations, to trust in the unknown, and to step fully into a life that is rich with purpose, connection, and boundless expansion. Beyond the veil, life moves differently. There is an ease, a rhythm, an effortless unfolding. It doesn’t mean challenges won’t arise, but rather that they dissolve into solutions with greater grace. It is here, in this higher state of awareness, that true prosperity, love, and liberation begin.

There is no grand event, no dramatic unveiling. It happens in small moments—when we trust our intuition, when we release the need for control, when we surrender to the flow of life rather than fight against it.

So maybe today is the day.

Maybe today is the day we stop waiting and start allowing.

Maybe today is the day we choose ease, choose knowing, choose the freedom that has always been ours.

Because the veil was never real to begin with. 💜

When You know It’s Time For Something

I’m pretty good at recognizing what I need, but sometimes the solution doesn’t come to me right away. When I start feeling stagnant and bored, if I ignore it for too long, I suddenly find myself in the twilight zone of “Now what?” It doesn’t happen often (thankfully) so when it does I do pay attention.

I’m realizing, I don’t do well with gray, cold and damp weather. I crave the sun, it doesn’t even have to be warm, I just need to feel his warm rays or see his bright light. It’s been a long, cold winter here in Chicago. Sunny (my dog) loves it, but for me, it’s kept me indoors way too much. If I’m not working that particular day I try to keep a loose routine (that includes no daytime T.V, no eating the day away) - I try to keep it somewhat productive like putting my thoughts on paper, catching up with phone conversations, diving into  my ever growing pile of books, or perusing the podcast world of brilliant minds and their endless information. Whew, I’m tired just thinking about it all!!

The point is, I give myself permission to sit in the space of ‘now what.’ I’ve long surrendered the notion that just because I ask a question, I must have the answer right away. I trust that, ultimately, I’ll figure it out—but I also know I can’t force it. This winter, I became comfortable sitting with all the questions, even when the answers weren’t coming in rapid-fire sequence. In the end, the answers did come—some from me, and some from others.

I’ve come to realize that there were good reasons why this played out the way it did. When life is moving along smoothly, it’s easy to ignore the little nudges—but when I need to pay attention, life has its ways of making sure I do. How? By giving me a cold winter in Chicago, forcing me to hunker down, get quiet, listen, ground myself, realign with my truth, and simply wait... wait for the sun to bless me with its warmth.

I encourage everyone to slow down, tune in and keep the bag of resources very close by. There is a lot of uncertainty externally, which requires (I believe) more internal dialogue, checking in and grounding.The best part? No one knows what you need—or understands you—better than you do!

My takeaway - we’ve got this!!! The minute the crocuses start emerging from the frozen earth, they’re sending out a news flash - Spring is near and and the dull days of winter are behind us once again. But hey - don’t put the winter garments in storage just yet - coz you never know what last minute treat old man winter has left up his sleeve.

To be continued:

All the hibernating did lead to an experience. I’m still integrating the journey, and will definitely share when I can deliver it in a cohesive manor. For now, I will say I’m so glad I did it!

What if…….."We don’t just inherit eye color or mannerisms from our parents—we also inherit patterns, wounds, and beliefs we never asked for.”

As I do on most of my morning walks with Sunny, I have conversations with the invisible but every present. This morning was no different - today it was with my father. I don’t typically chat with him as in life I didn’t really know him. I’ve written about it, if your curious you can check out the post.

I hold no anger towards him but his actions did begin a chain of events for me that not only had great impact on my life but also had huge impact on my kid’s lives and my partner’s lives. I am hopeful that watching me in action, my kids learned a lot of what not to do. It seems like they had some important and helpful takeaways the biggest being “whatever you do, don’t follow Mom’s example” at least when it comes to relationships. I write it only half joking!!

Now I’m sure that was never his intention. He was doing what he felt like he had to, needed to  or even wanted to do (without thought or maybe with thought I can’t say as I don’t know) not realizing his actions would continue to play out long after he had left this life.  The impression he left on me as a man, a partner and a parent has been my life’s unlearning. At first not understanding the full implication of my very first experience of love, value, and care - how could I even begin to comprehend how it would shape every aspect of my belief system and consequentially my choices? Wow!! That’s a lot to digest - even now.

Thankfully but painfully, I have made choices that have forced me to go within and really sit with all the sadness, shame,  and guilt. Processing it, moving it, integrating it and ultimately learning to love every damn bit of  it.

"We are not destined to repeat the patterns we come from. Awareness gives us choice. Healing gives us freedom. And every step we take toward growth is a step toward becoming the partner and parent we once needed ourselves."

Acknowledging Past Wrongs in Relationships: The Power of Apology Without Expectation

Life is full of connections—some fleeting, some lasting, and some that end in ways we never intended. As time passes, we gain wisdom and perspective, sometimes realizing that our past actions or words may have hurt someone we once cared about. The weight of these past wrongs can linger, not only for those we may have hurt but also within ourselves.

Acknowledging my past wrongs has required a lot self-awareness and humility. Not that I wanted to dredge up old wounds unnecessarily, but rather recognizing where I have contributed to another’s pain. Apologizing, even when done sincerely, is not about me seeking forgiveness or validation; it’s about me taking responsibility for my role in a situation and offering a gesture of healing, even if it’s years later.

For me, one of the hardest truths in offering an apology is understanding that I have no control over the response. The person I reach out to may welcome my words with appreciation, or they may reject them, still holding onto their own pain, anger or disappointment - maybe all three. They may not respond at all. But in apologizing, I did so not to control the outcome, but to express what feels necessary for my growth and integrity.

These unspoken and unacknowledged regrets have weighed heavily on my heart. By expressing the apologies, I can create space for peace within myself, knowing that I have done what I can to make things right, albeit I probably waited too long. Whether or not my words are accepted, the simple act of speaking them with sincerity can be profoundly freeing.

In taking the time to recognize and own my past missteps, I hopefully am expanding my emotional toolbox. Apologizing is not about rewriting the past but about learning from it and carrying those lessons forward into my present and future relationships.

Even if the other person never acknowledges my apology, the act of extending it brought a sense of emotional clarity and peace. It’s a quiet but powerful way to honor both my growth and the value of the relationships that have shaped me.

I wonder as I continue this deep introspection, where else and whom else I will need to offer an apology to. I think the longest and hardest  one to write will be the one to myself. For all the times I ignored, disregarded and silenced myself…but that’s a whole other can of worms I think I will save for another day!

So, if you feel called to extend that “I’m sorry,” do it—not for the response, but for the peace it brings within you. I think this is such an important time to do some excavating of what is ready to be left by the wayside so we can make space for the exciting times ahead of us.

Heart Coherence or Not - What’s coming is coming!

There is so much happening these days that can make it hard for me to know if I’m coming or going!

Are you feeling this too?

While we may be feeling the energy of chaos and uncertainty, I think we are being asked to continue to show up, connect with others and participate in this life. For me hiding in the proverbial cave seems like a good way to go, yet I know that’s not possible right now. I serve no one by doing that!  Besides, I envision a time when our beautiful planet is thriving along with all her inhabitants and it’s going to require as many as are willing to all pull in that direction. It’s a ways down the road yet, but I for one welcome that time with open arms. In the meantime, when life hands me lemons I’ve got to do my best to make the most delicious lemonade I can. (I’m also thinking summer lol)

For me, forging the truest relationships, showing up for my family and friends, being open and understanding to the complexities of what others may be experiencing is the best way I can be of service to all of humanity right now - maybe not directly to the whole but every encounter that I am apart of is creating a wave of goodness - and the more who share this vision with me, the more goodness we create that can ripple out into the world.

Here’s my invitation - take the time to make every conversation a real conversation  - to connect with those who are the Hi’s in passing - you know like the barista at your favorite coffee shop, or the check out person at the grocery store. To ask how someone is doing and to really want to know how they’re doing. Maybe learn something new about a friend. Strive for a deeper connection with those you love. It sounds simple but life has a way of getting in the way and we have places to go and things to do. This practice not only allows for connection with others, but will also foster a deeper connection with self. Coming into “Heart Coherence” allows for maximum ease for our body. Heart, Brain and NervousSystem working together. This is where we start! This calmness and ease is infectious and palpable.

Moving forward, things may get a little more murky or muddled. The more heart centered we are, the more heart centered our encounters, the more heart energy we send out into the cosmos, the greater the “Heart Coherence” we emanate. Maybe it catches on. We can’t control the other but we can project what we want to see more of.

Our hearts are the leader of this band and given what’s happening in our world - I say it’s time to let her lead. We have everything to gain and nothing to loose. Worst case -  individually we improve our over all well being and live a more fulfilled life - best case - collectively we improve our over all well being and live a more fulfilled life.

“The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades” - extra points if you know who sang it. Till that time, may we work steadfastly to show up as the heart centered being we are especially when it’s not the easiest thing to do. Love or fear - either or. I choose LOVE!

HAPPY LOVE MONTH

A Year of Reflection 2024

In order to reflect on 2024, I first have to acknowledge the last quarter of 2023. It unfolded in a way I could never have imagined. It was painful, filled with grief and the start of a year of introspection in a deep and soulful way - again, I could have never imagined. It’s not that I haven’t been on this journey for what seems like forever. It’s that the layers are many, each comprised of slight variations of situations and experiences I thought I had cleared. So, I continue to unravel into all the nooks and crannies needing the love and acceptance only I can give them. Honestly, I am grateful…as I reflect, but in the moment…absolutely not!!! Ah, it’s great - this being human desiring to live my soul purpose.

I’d like to think I’ve been cocooning this year, as it has been a year of a lot of alone time. It’s funny, but I have learned I don’t require much to be happy. While the outside world holds beauty, growth and connection, I’ve learned within me I hold all the keys to my ultimate happiness. Now don’t misunderstand, I wasn’t a recluse but I wasn’t a social butterfly either. Come to think of it, I’ve never been a social butterfly. In the past, I think I questioned why that was so. Now though, I’ve come to appreciate it’s just who I am, how I’m wired. I don’t have any social anxieties, I am not anti social or even a party pooper. What I have come to realize and finally accept as my authentic truth, is I don’t enjoy conversation for the sake of saying something or anything. The words “fine” and “OK”  are space fillers.  Maybe part of it is being raised with my mom’s mantra being “Children should be seen and not heard” or I don’t have a need to interject for the sake of words themselves . Probably it’s a combination of both. I recognize and accept I truly enjoy small intimate conversation by where I can really listen, learn and participate in a way that honors the sanctity of sharing of our truths. I’m a lot like Oriah Mountain Dreamer  - her poem which is actually a book called “The Invitation” resonates with me to the depths of my soul. I honor that about her and myself. I want to dive into the deep end of your mind and travel through your heart and visit with your soul.

I understand for some this desire may be a bit intrusive, even uncomfortable because I am asking for something most don’t do for themselves. Deep meaningful conversation can bring up feelings not ready to be felt. For me, it’s typically those feelings tied to my value, or worth  - those lingering insecurities hiding deep deep within. Well, I am ready to bring them out into the open, let them see there is nothing to fear and ultimately they may be my greatest gifts.

So, Thank you 2024 for a year of finally seeing the face in the mirror as my most embodied, wise self. Yes, there are still the fears but they’ve been seen, acknowledged and accepted. They’re not leaving, so we have become friends, for I do believe they are the greatest gifts I will share with others. I thank everyone who showed up to help me learn something, whether about you or about me. You are appreciated and have been an essential part my 2024 experience.

I’m reminded of a quote - I am not sure who it belongs to and I hope they don’t mind me using it. Here goes:

The woman I was yesterday, introduced me to the woman I am today;

Which makes me very excited about meeting the woman

I will become tomorrow!

DAD

We’ve all heard the quote, “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” While sage advice, sometimes that advice is hard to swallow. The bitter taste and tartness can linger. Until, maybe, you have the chance to sit and reflect.

Okay, you might need a little backstory first…here goes:

My youngest daughter for a long time was convinced there were ethnicities other than Italian in our family tree. Knowing nothing of my father’s side of the family, I couldn’t say for sure. So when Ancestry was running a promotion, I took the bait and purchased a kit. I fully expected the results to be a “I told you so” kind of moment; “see Rach I told you I was Italian!” Imagine my surprise when the results showed I am 65% Italian, 30% Greek, and 5% German. Greek! Well how cool is that! Granted Italy and Greece might not be much of a stretch; both are surrounded by water, so traveling by boat the ancestors met and had babies and there you go. I shared the information with my kids and a few close to me, put it on the back burner and went back to life. 

About a week later, I got an email from someone who had also done a test. She was looking for a distant cousin and wondered if I had any information. I answered her question and off I went.

I then realized I had messages from a woman that I knew immediately was a much closer relative. You see, I didn’t have a relationship with my father. He and my mom split when I was probably a toddler and from then to the age of about 25, I can count on my hands the number of times I saw him. Even as a young child I knew that there was a deep love between my parents and I had always hoped they would rekindle. I also knew he had another whole family that he lived with, which included a daughter. So when I read the messages, I knew who she was.  I responded, we chatted, and she sounded like a lovely person and I have no doubt we will be friends and develop a sister bond. Finally, I had some point of reference to my father, I had someone I could ask questions about health history, what he liked, and anything else that pops up. Cool right? Yes, eventually.

While we were on the phone an unexpected overwhelming sense of grief ripped me apart. I cried like I have never cried. I cried for the love, support, and attention I never received from him. I cried for all the parties involved and for all the pain experienced. I cried for how much harder my mom’s life was, how much harder my life was. I cried for all the years I thought him a weak man and I cried for how angry I was at him for being so weak. I had spent many years processing my anger towards him, and accepted long ago that he did the best he could. But the sadness, pain, and grief…wow, I didn’t expect that. I quickly realized that these feelings (unbeknownst to me) have affected every aspect of my life; every thought about myself, what I deserve, my worth, every relationship with partners, my kids, my ability to trust (ha that’s a joke) to believe, and feel safe. I never experienced a loving interaction between a man and a woman, a mom and dad. So me being a resourceful girl, I made up my own story of how it should look and guess what - it NEVER looked like my story. Quite the opposite. 

I could go on and on but this is not where I choose to dwell. This week has shown me where some of my deepest wounds are buried. Now it’s up to me to heal, hold, love, and befriend the pain. I get to integrate these shadows with my light and should I ever be blessed to be in a happy, healthy relationship, may I bring my very best self. This has been my greatest wish and I now know without this week it would have been harder because these wounds would have presented in some other mysterious way. Hopefully I’ll be carrying a little less baggage, traveling a little lighter and open to this joyful life I get to create. 

Given this Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse and what it’s asking of us, it feels like I have been given the biggest Divine Gift! Thank you, Dad! I wish we were able to have a relationship in this lifetime. That’s not going to be my focus though. My focus is on loving myself and others deeper, healing my heart, and enjoying my newfound family. 

Imposter Syndrome, by any other name…..

It’s been said that we teach what we most need to learn. Well if that’s true I should probably teach a collegiate level course in overcoming Imposter Syndrome. I know I’m far from the only one who feels bogged down by this; in fact, Imposter Syndrome is kind of trendy, for lack of a better word. If it’s so common, why has no one figured out how to fix it yet? And why does it constantly interfere with my abilities to create the life I desire?

Maybe I should backtrack, go back to basics. Here’s a definition of Imposter Syndrome: “the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways.” This condition often results in people feeling like a fraud or a phony, and doubting their abilities. On further exploration I came to find that there are five kinds of imposter syndrome personalities. Now, to figure out which imposter syndrome personality I have. Yikes. 

Let’s see…there’s the perfectionist. That tracks; double Virgo here! Perfection is kind of my middle name. The natural genius is next. That one definitely doesn’t fit. I’m not worried about being a genius and I definitely don’t think I judge myself by exacting standards. The rugged individualist…nope, I’m okay asking for help,  in fact I love being part of a highly functioning team. Moving on to the expert…again no, I realize I am constantly learning and growing and I actually really value the learning and growing process. The final personality type is the superhero. No, I’ll leave that for Marvel.

Now I’m really going to go down this rabbit hole so why not come along for the ride with me? Let’s explore some characteristics

• An inability to realistically assess competence and skill

• Attributing success to external factors

• Berating performance

• Fear of not living up to expectations (usually one’s own more so than anyone else’s)

• Overachieving

• Self sabotaging success

• Self-doubt

• Setting unrealistic goal and then feeling disappointed when not reached

Show of hands  - who has not displayed at least one of these characteristics, let’s say today?

So why is this such a phenomenon? Like I said, it seems to be fairly common. A quick Google search taught me that an estimated 70% of people are likely to experience at least one episode of Imposter Syndrome at some point in their life. Or more likely, struggle with it for a lifetime! 

(Surprise, surprise), research suggests that upbringing and family dynamics can play a role. Specifically, parenting styles viewed as controlling or over-protective may contribute to the development of Imposter Syndrome in kids. Growing up in a house with high levels of conflict and low levels of support may be an indicator of future Imposter Syndrome related challenges. Geez, another way in which my shitty upbringing has continued to fuck me up. Now, I’m reflecting on the mom I was and wondering if my parenting has impacted my kids just as my upbringing impacted me? Oh, that’s just not something I want to look at right now. We’ll save the generational trauma conversation for another time. I digress.

Personality can play a part, as well as new opportunities. Well that just about covers all of life. Upbringing, personality, and doing new things. What’s left? Selling coconuts on a beach in Hawaii sounds pretty perfect. It seems hard to suffer from Imposter Syndrome cracking a big nut open for its juice. Unless of course your buddy down the way a bit does it better, faster, cooler than you… 

What’s left when not even the simplest and easiest living is impervious to the dreaded Imposter Syndrome?!

It almost seems like striving for growth, learning new things, and trying new experiences is a recipe for disaster. But the alternative, staying stuck and stagnant, just seems so counterintuitive to what life is all about. I absolutely don’t buy that feelings of doubt, fears of being wrong or just plain crazy never entered some of the greatest minds that this world has ever known, yet they persevered. Why, and how, were they not discouraged? They didn’t give up even after failure and because of that perseverance, will ultimately be remembered until the end of time for the beauty they created, the mind blowing contributions they left behind.

I don’t know if we need to give everything a name. After all, doesn’t giving it a name give it more weight than it deserves? Can’t it just be the uncertainty of the unknown? At what point did common, everyday knocks to self esteem like not making the soccer team or failing a math test become a Syndrome-inducing experience?  So, this begs the question:  as a society, teachers, parents, caregivers, anyone coming in contact with another, do we need to be doing more to build up confidence, self worth, and resiliency? Seems to me, the answer is an emphatic YES.

When I think about how many times encouragement, positive words or discussions on what I was feeling might have actually helped, I can clearly see where and when I was slimed by the dreaded Syndrome. There is no blame or judgment; I have a sense of awareness and understanding for myself and perceived flaws, and this gives me a starting place to make some changes.

Believing success is out of your grasp, or when all is perfect you’ll be good enough, or when you are no longer anxious, insecure, stressed, tense or feel like an outsider, then it will happen, whatever it is…none of this shit is constructive. But it is an invitation to take a look at ourselves and our deepest held beliefs. It’s an invitation to ask the tough questions like, do I believe I am worthy and deserving just as I am? 

All the answers lie within. When issues come up, we must let them come up and out. Talk to a confidant, journal, question your beliefs and ask “Am I willing to look at this differently?” A shift in perspective can create huge change. After all, thoughts become things. Change the thoughts and you're on your way to creating new beliefs, which create new actions. It seems to me that many have overcome their fears and doubts, so why can’t you or I? I believe we can. One baby step at a time. One question at a time. One feeling at a time. A desire for change is a great place to start. So here goes….I’ll keep you posted on my success!!!!

Source  Verywell mind Article by Arlin Cuncicg

Inspiration by Mike Dooley

When “I’m sorry, I was wrong” isn’t enough.

My oldest son’s birthday was last week. We’ve had a strained relationship for a long time. It’s been painful, yet filled with pearls of wisdom and, of course, growth. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve made poor choices and mistakes that have lead to some of my darkest days, sitting in my shadows (of which there are many) crying, going over the “what ifs” and the “should haves.” And most of the time I feel like I’ve come out the other side. I’ve come to realize that sometimes the “I’m sorry” or the “I was wrong” isn’t enough, because the other party may not see the value in those statements, or maybe even in the relationship. They can’t (or choose not to) see that maybe the moving forward is worth more than putting someone in the proverbial penalty box for an indeterminate amount of time.

I’ve been in my son’s penalty box for quite a while now. I don’t think there was any one conversation or misunderstanding that landed me here. It’s been a slow build, a series of miscommunications, mistakes, missed opportunities. Too much went unsaid, undiscussed. The distance between us had time to flourish and grow in the days when it seemed easier to just let it go, to tip toe around tough conversation as a means to avoid an argument.

But the problem is, these unspoken fractures eroded the very foundation of our relationship, because eventually, it became too much for him to have any sort of relationship with me.

All I did (inadvertently, of course) was add to the dysfunction every time I told myself we would talk about it later, or that he would come to me when he was through to the other side of whatever he was going through. In taking the “easy” path, I created a situation where I could never be honest about my thoughts and feelings for fear of him getting angry with me. In the end (at least up to now) I lost anyway.

Is it possible for there to be something between us? Who knows. I sent what I thought was a benign birthday text, respecting his boundaries yet still honoring him and my experience as his Mom. I didn’t get a response. It stung, of course, but it’s okay because I love him and he is my son, whether he and I ever share the same space again. He is a wonderful father, loving husband, and successful businessman. So even if I did everything wrong, I find peace in knowing that I had some hand in helping him become the man he is today. And I am proud of him. He is able to navigate his life, his way, and be happy doing it. What more could I want for my son?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Or, Bah Humbug.

I was walking Sunny through the neighborhood looking at all the Holiday decorations thinking, “wow it’s so beautiful out, and the houses look so warm and inviting.” I wonder if that’s the feeling inside the house? Of course the kids are excited; no school, holiday decorating, presents, friends, and family gatherings. For adults though, this can be such a stressful time of year.

The magic of the holiday season tends to go fast with what seems like a lot of expectations. Advertisers start bombarding us with the hot toys and gadgets of the season right after Halloween. We hop from trick or treat to “here’s my Christmas list.” 

This got me thinking about such classic stories like “Scrooge” and “The Gift of the Magi” and which story feels like my last year.

There is always so much to be grateful for, this I know. But I gotta be honest: there are times when I am not feeling it. So…I thought I’d be much more reflective on this last year and really tap into HOW AM I FEELING at my deepest core. It’s been an interesting year with lots of opportunity, joy, tears (lots and lots of tears), new friendships, changes to old friendships and GROWTH. Thank God/Goddess for growth. It helps me make sense of my world. It seems like it’s always about HOW DO I BRING MY BEST SELF OUT INTO THE WORLD, be the best Mom, best friend, best co-worker? The list goes on and on. The one I neglect to look at first and foremost is how can I be the best to ME?

Looking at “me” - does that make me selfish? Does that make me self-centered? Does it mean my ego is out of control? You know what? IT DOES NOT! It actually helps me be better in all areas of my life, and to everyone I come in contact with. I will admit it has taken me a while to get comfortable putting myself first. It’s a strange concept because my life has always been about others. It also feels so freeing, and that’s a beautiful feeling. It’s liberating to know what truly feels right in my heart, say what I really feel (with love and discernment) and know I am honoring me. How can I be most authentic in my everyday life? Knowing some might be disappointed or angry with my decisions. So long as I stand in my most raw, vulnerable truth - it will be ok for me. I can better help others from this place.

Like Ebenezer, who all he needed to do was live from his heart, that’s the best I can do. Which is in turn the best gift I can give to myself and everyone else. It’s also the best gift I can receive from others.

So I guess both stories resonate with me. With 2 weeks until Christmas, I have much to be truly grateful for. The love of family and friends is my greatest blessing. I choose to see the magic in all things, the twinkling lights, Christmas trees waiting to be decorated, the bag of cinnamon pinecones and the glorious scent they give, the oohs and aahs of children seeing Santa, and the festive glow of this season. 

I invite you to have a look back on this year. The good, the bad, and the ugly. What little changes or shifts can be made to help the season be a little more delightful? Where’s the magic in your world? And finally, the magic and miracles of life can be seen and felt everyday, because they are there. We just need to pay attention!

Wishing you a peaceful, joyous, and delicious holiday season! 

Are you there, Self Worth? It’s me, Barbara.

Self worth…

Why does it seem so elusive? It’s like a summer breeze blowing by, leaving a faint smell of fragrant flowers. Yes I feel it…Oops it’s gone. Come back!!

The body, mind, heart, and spirit all require true self love and acceptance, yet they interact like a noisy bunch of dysfunctional family members, filled with conflicting thoughts and reactions.

How the heck do we get to the place of unwavering conviction, standing in the belief of “I AM WORTHY AND DESERVING JUST AS I AM.” 

Why can’t we just envision, fantasize, and dream the best scenarios of life? Ah, because that would be too easy and we are not part of Earth School for the easy. We are part of a huge awakening. It takes commitment, perseverance, and resiliency. Above all, it takes love for self and others. 

We put the cart before the horse, leaving us to wonder why life doesn’t always flow. And that’s not to say we can’t manifest, it just may not look like what we thought. But that’s a whole different blog post.

It ALWAYS comes back to self. To embody self in its purest Divine image is our first challenge. To embody I am worthy, I am deserving, I love me, I am perfect as I am is our biggest hurdle. Why? Because this is what we are here to do: to remember, to rediscover we are already perfect. All we need is within, lying silently, hoping we will have our aha! moment. That’s when the fun can begin!

So many of us chase what we think we need, externally. And there are plenty willing to help us, offering a course to fix this, a self help book to fix that, a podcast (or a thousand) featuring every expert on a certain topic, and Gurus and teachers a plenty. While they offer sage advice and wisdom, it’s up to us to ultimately guide ourselves back to our space of deep knowing. There isn’t anything easy or even pleasant about this inward excavation. But until we are willing to roll up our sleeves and dig deep, we will continually be challenged by life. The sooner we fall in love with self, (warts and all) the sooner we will no longer be subjected to what’s happening around us. When we can resource our own needs by going within, the outside world affects us less. When we shift from happening to me to happening for me, growth becomes inevitable.

Embodying self love affords us the ability to take that breath, and view the situation from a place of wondering, what’s here for me? That helps us stand grounded in love and compassion as opposed to just reacting. 

We know where we’re going but how do we get there? There is no road map. Each journey back to self, is soul/spirit specific. Only our soul/spirit can lead us within. Lovingly, with gentleness and compassion, it waits for us. Lord knows there’s plenty of information on how to do it. A human could spend unlimited amounts of money and untold lifetimes trying to travel from the head to the heart. So what are we missing that this seems to be such a daunting task? Do we overthink it? Possibly. We definitely doubt ourselves. Then there’s the ego. The ego certainly loves the limelight, front and center, in control, leading the way down the same old path. The pied piper of the old dance, just a different day. The ego can take on many facets masked as emotions, inevitably keeping us from the alignment and peace we crave. When we take the journey to the heart, the ego is no longer the ring leader. It can then begin to facilitate what the heart wants, what the soul/spirit wants. The ego is a great co-pilot, once it feels safe, heard, and valued. It’s a terrible leader when it’s running the show. I liken it to a whirling dervish, just creating mayhem for the fun of it.   

So our daily practice then becomes noticing what is happening within, keeping that awareness throughout the day. What do we notice happening inside while we are at work, hangry, picking the kids up from school, making dinner? You get the idea. 

The morning is a wonderful time to ground, check in with heart, spirit/soul, mind and body. Once aligned and ready for the day, set the intention. And lastly, breathe. Breathe often, breathe deep. And breathe slow. The breath is such a powerful ally. Its ability to calm us is a gift we can experience as often as necessary, never ending and ever gratifying. 

Hopefully, we then have an opportunity to experience life in its most beautiful form. The magic of nature, the interaction with another, a delicious cup of coffee, the laughter of children. Maybe we can even create the life we desire. Remembering always, it starts and ends with self. 

Thoughts on yoga…

I originally wrote this in 2017, which feels like it was just yesterday. I recently stumbled across this piece and realized that everything I wrote then feels just as relevant to me today. Of course some of the information is a little outdated, but it still felt worth the share.

Happy Sunday, my lovelies! I am inspired to write this morning after reading an article from KiraGracem a yoga clothing company on a mission. For those of you who don’t know everything about me, I am a devotee of Yoga. I have been practicing for almost 30 years. Living in Boulder, Colorado, I have been fortunate to have access to the who’s who of Yoga.

Desiree Rumbough is a yoga teacher (and so much more) who was recommended to me by my first yoga teacher. It just never aligned. I’d see her name here and there and always let out a little sigh thinking about what I might have learned from her. But of course, it comes full circle! Here goes:

KiraGrace hosts an Empowering Women Interview Series. I’ve missed the first three, but today’s interview was with none other than Desiree Rumbough, so of course it was exactly what I needed to read.

These are her words:

“When I can do the work to feel my emotions and then transform my mental state from one of negativity…to a lighter place of courage, joy, hope, or acceptance, I feel empowered. I also feel a bit empowered when occasionally I find my balance in a handstand.”

How on-point is that?! For me, much like for Desiree, it’s my yoga mat; as long as I can get to my mat, I know I won’t implode. When, for whatever reason, I don’t make it to my mat, I know I’m in trouble. I’ve had some of my best breakdowns in Down Dog, uncontrollable nose running and tears streaming. Embarrassing? Yes. But it happens, and yoga is the doorway for me. I will always feel better, even if it takes awhile to make the shift. I think the key to the doorway is to get out of the way and let out what is deep within, lying patiently. That’s what happens when I'm on my mat. My body is in charge in a very fluid and organic way. My brain gets to take a little nap and my soul can speak in the form of practice. It’s really quite beautiful, and until this moment I don’t think I’ve realized just how beautiful.

Yoga is not for everyone, I know that. What I think is important, is to make the space for yourself to search for your own yoga, your own place to come back to self.

I believe we are all here to make ourselves and others feel stronger, more confident, more empowered, and to use our power for the greater good of humanity. Not to take it away. Not to make you feel less than, imperfect, like a thing in need of fixing. You and I together can do wonderful things. It starts with me, going deep, excavating, unearthing the pearls of wisdom and sharing what I learn so maybe it won’t be as challenging for you.

Ageism, part deux: the crone.

The Wikipedia definition of crone is: “the stock character in folklore and fairy tale, an old woman. In some stories she is disagreeable, malicious or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. The Crone is also an archetypal figure, a Wise Woman. As a character type, the crone shares characteristics with the hag.”

I decided to look up Crone images. Here is my personal favorite:

She’s called “Whiney Crone” — seriously?!

Am I over 60? Yes! Am I a hag? Hell no! I consider myself to be a vital, vibrant, and relevant woman of a certain age. I have lived a life of ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments, some major “ugh” moments and some “wow, I’m glad I did that” moments. I’m at a place where I’m okay with all of it. I’m certainly not done living, learning, or sharing. I still have desires, passions, dreams, and hopes. The gift of age is wisdom, and I am happy knowing and embracing that this is my life and I get to live it my way. It has taken me a long time to get to this place…so many years of living the life of others, the life I thought I was supposed to be living. But I never fully committed to any of it, because I wasn’t in it for the right reasons.

As I look back though, there isn’t a thing I would change. After all, it has brought me to where I am now. I would like to pass along what I’ve learned, although I’m not sure there is any easy way around our individual journeys. The wisdom we gather along the way is a priceless gift for the small price of growing older each year. And let’s face it, there isn’t any other way.

I remember turning 60 on September 20, 2016 and feeling this huge sense of liberation, almost like I had crossed a special bridge. Not everyone feels this way. For some it’s OLD. I don’t feel old because I can still do everything I did in my 30’s. The difference is now, if I don’t want to do something, I just don’t.

I don’t feel like I’m in my 60’s, not that I have any idea how that’s “supposed” to feel. I just know that Whiney Crone is not a fair representation of me. I am determined to embrace this time of my life with joy, passion, and vitality. For me, this is a beginning. I am beginning to truly listen to my intuition and truly listen to my hard-earned wisdom. I am beginning to ask myself what I really want to create, what I really want to experience. It can be a little daunting, but it’s also really exciting to be the Mistress of My Own Universe. I refuse to believe I can’t have a new career, a passionate and loving relationship, travel the world, learn a new skill, or whatever else my heart desires.

There are plenty of women who feel as I do. Women who are enjoying the heck out of life. Still working, creating, and living. Yes, we are the elders, but sometimes the old folks are loving life more than younger folks are.

Here is my advice: don’t wait to feel liberated. Practice; it takes a while to figure out what liberated feels like for you. Do things to embrace the magic of you, as often as you can. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Take care of yourself, treat yourself, nurture yourself…often and however you can. Allow the beauty within you to shine out, radiate the essence of what makes you unique in this world. There isn’t any reason to dread the aging process, because the gifts are far greater than we could even imagine. Be open to the gifts.

So yes, I am a crone, a Modern-Day Crone. I am beautiful, wise, and ready to be the best version of myself until I run out of days to live. I wish I had known then what I know now. I spent too much time thinking I wasn’t enough, worrying about what others think about me. It never really mattered.

I want every woman to know she is perfect. She is everything.

I think Yogi Bhajan says it so eloquently:

“If a woman sits with folded hands in her lap for a few minutes every day, and she feels she is a container so vast that she contains the whole Universe, she will never feel weak or have any problems. There is nothing beyond woman except God.”

The older I get, the more wisdom I accumulate. The more I know, the more I can share. I am here to spread the word of the Modern-Day Crone. Life is beautiful at any and every age.

Now this is more like it!

Glinda says it so it must be true.

“You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”

- Glinda the Good Witch to Dorothy

 The Wizard of Oz

I think with all the Spiritual Teachings saturating our world these days, we have forgotten that we’ve always had the power. It’s wonderful that there are all sorts of teachings, practices, and philosophies but we must remember that the deep knowing lies within.

How much is too much? How much devotion to teachers, mentors, and gurus is too much? At what point does their influence impact our ability to discern? We come into this world with intuition. But like all gifts, it needs to be used; the more we use it, the more fine-tuned it becomes. Very rarely as children are we prompted to use our intuition; more often children are prompted to use logic, problem solving skills, more ego-centered, dense, 3rd dimensional skills. While it’s necessary to acquire these skills, I’d venture a guess that our honed skill of relying on our intuition ranks right up there as number one in terms of importance.

I listened to a podcast featuring Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations with God. In it, he talks about how we come into this world perfect, not needing to learn anything. Imagine believing, embracing, and living from that place of knowing we have everything we need, seeking only the opportunity to experience. What happens to us that we get so far from there? Lost, searching externally, spending buckets of money buying into someone we believe knows more than we do. Guess what? That's so far from the truth. No one knows more about you than you!

What we must listen to is our inner wisdom, the beating of our hearts, the whispers only nature can provide. The answers are there, quietly waiting for you. 

Does it help to seek outside of ourselves? Of course it does, but discernment is paramount. Knowing that the truth you seek is a compilation of varying thoughts you hear, read, interpret and form as your truth. Take what makes sense and leave the rest. Above all, don't drink anyone’s Kool-aid, even when it may taste good and feel right. I am going to bet you have all the answers you seek. You have the emotional, spiritual, and innate intelligence to know that it’s always right there, just waiting. 

We must clear out the voices that swirl uncontrollably around in our heads saying the same things:

I don’t know.

This is never going to get better.

I am not enough.

I am not worthy.

While situations may be less than desirable, our perception certainly impacts how we move through this life. Keeping an open and optimistic heart, a sense of childlike curiosity, and compassion can do nothing but help. Above all, we must truly love ourselves, with all our bumps and bruises. After all, they just contribute to our uniqueness, help us to be accepting of others, understanding that we are all one - connected by the thread of the Divine.

Keep the spark, know that you are perfect, and clear out the mucky muck. Reframe these situations as just experiences, not bad, not good. Just experiences. 

I’ve just had to do this myself and I can say it wasn’t fun. My ego was bruised and my feelings were hurt. I allowed myself time to sit with all of the emotions, but now it's time to switch the paradigm of that experience to something more neutral; I don’t need to judge myself or the situation. The only way I know to do this is to get quiet and listen for my deepest knowing to heal me, love me. This allows me to surrender, almost like a reboot. Shake it off. Take what will serve me, leave the rest, and kiss it good-bye. Just another experience.

Time to sing, dance, smell the flowers, and above all: continue to participate, connect, and experience all this awesome life has in store for me. 

Please understand, this is not to take lightly that some situations are truly dire and require more than a walk in the woods. Know thyself, listen to thyself, and act from there. Seek out help. Mainstream and alternative modalities can provide help and support through the darkest of times.

Tired of our own bullshit.

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit”

- Elizabeth Gilbert

As women, we go through constant changes that we may not be paying attention to. We are nurturers, caregivers, and most awesome multi-taskers. Because, let’s face it, we are responsible for keeping many moving parts forward on a daily basis. The one thing we neglect the most is (you guessed it) ourselves. So counterintuitive. 

By the time we realize, “oh shit, I have no idea who I am,” we can be so far down the rabbit hole we don’t even know which way is up. And then what? Climb out, ignore it, pretend all is right? 

For me, this happened when I was 59. I had just signed my divorce papers. I had been working with my ex throughout our marriage and the 7 years we were separated. One month after the divorce was finalized, I knew working together was not going to work for me. So, I closed my computer and walked out of our office. 

No job. No man. No direction. It was too much to deal with. I allowed myself a year to wallow. With a couple exceptions. I went to Bali, and after 15 years of being a devoted yoga student, I decided to get my yoga teaching certification. I did not have any intention of becoming a yoga teacher, but I needed some direction, and the teacher training held me accountable and kept me grounded. Honestly, all I wanted to do was crawl into a cave. 

I sat and reflected on questions of who am I? and what do I want my life to look like? and I can honestly say I HAD NO IDEA. Scary, right? I spent all my life doing and being for others. A dutiful daughter, a wife (three times), an ex-wife (three times), a business partner, and most importantly a mother. Let’s face it, we can spend our entire lives living in that mother role. 

Even though I didn’t know who or what I wanted to be, I knew that living vicariously through my kids was a pitfall I was choosing to avoid. I knew I wanted to live my own fulfilled life. I knew I wanted healthy relationships with my kids. And I knew I wanted them to be proud of me, not feel sorry for me. 

Who is Barb? She is a work in progress. She is honoring the bumps and bruises, uncovering layer by layer to get to the pearl buried deep. 

Here’s what I know for sure. I love being a mom and I will always be a mom. If and when they need me, I will be there. All of my experiences have contributed to the woman I am today. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. If I don’t consciously choose to live my life, before I know it, it will be over. The years fly by and I refuse to waste them. I embrace who I am and where I’m going. I am choosing to live my full expression of who I am, bringing forth my radiance, essence, and inner beauty every day.

This is not just my story. This is every woman’s story. The names and circumstances change, but the crossroads are there for us all. 

Life is a journey. The journey never ends. And the best is yet to come.

Let’s talk about ageism, baby.

1. Ageism is real and it sucks.

2. I believe it’s worse for women than for men.

3. Every woman of a certain age is in control of her thoughts around ageism.

4. It is time for a serious shift of perspective.

5. We are vital, vibrant, radiant, sexual, sensual, and relevant. We have passion, desires and under no circumstances should we ever be dismissed as yesterday's news.

The time has come for women to dig deep and discover who they are now that the roles of yesterday have been satisfied. There is a treasure trove of innate wisdom within you, just waiting to be acknowledged. You may have felt it before. It can appear as a gnawing, a yearning, or even an angst that just won’t stop. This last year we have been spending a lot more time alone in quiet stillness. This has been such a gift, the perfect time to percolate new thoughts and get to know yourself as you are now. We get to take all the years spent doing and integrate all those beautiful threads into the tapestry of our life. It’s really exciting to think about all that you’ve accumulated over the first 5 or 6 decades, and decide what thoughts you keep and what will go in the dead file. You get to decide how you live the rest of your life, your way.

If we didn’t have to see any more beauty ads, apply for jobs, find a mate, look 25 years younger, or have a body that’s tight, a booty that’s firm and a belly that’s flat, we’d be loving life. There is so much external bullshit being hurled our way. 

It’s so difficult to stay present in the crone zone. 

Consider this your invitation to say “no thank you” to the crone zone, to this notion that all women of a certain age are the old, nasty crone from Snow White personified. That’s certainly not my truth. My truth is that any woman who owns all that she is  - her whole perfectly imperfect self, her loose skin, her wrinkles or botox, her grey or dyed hair, her jeans and a graphic tee or her St. John’s wear - is honoring her journey of life. 

There is only one way to avoid aging and it’s called dying. It’s an honor to get older. While I don’t think every human is ready to get behind me on this, I do think every woman is. There’s an inner peace and contentment when you can just be and be happy just being. When we have the ability to reflect on our unique individual journey, all the twists and turns, the perceived mistakes that were blessings in disguise, everything that has led us to where we are today...well it’s freaking amazing and wonderous. Our journey continues through twists and turns. Hopefully we make fewer mistakes, but maybe not. Life is beautiful, and messy, and fun, and an adventure just waiting for us. And that journey is not over just because we have been walking this Earth a little longer than some.

 As Mary Oliver asks in her poem “Summer Days”, 

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? 

I say live it until you can’t. Live it with grace, humor, and an open heart. Maybe you’ll be blessed with a few like-minded friends with whom you can get together, a loving family, a hobby or two, and memories that make you smile.

 I want my Spirit to be so happy she was in this body that there’s a party, just for her, waiting on the other side.

So women of a certain age - are you ready to reframe, reshape, and break the Ageism mold?

Welcome!

Major shifts are happening on a planetary level at quantum speed. It all trickles down to each of us individually and collectively. Many of us are questioning our views on what constitutes a successful life. And with good reason. The pandemic has brought to light that working remotely is pretty awesome. Many feel more productive and more present with partners, kids, friends, and family. The flip side is the disconnectedness, solitude, and uncertainty about how to navigate this new paradigm.

Change can be daunting. But it doesn’t have to be. All that’s required is a willingness to look with fresh eyes at what the future could hold and having a space to explore all the thoughts taking center-stage with love and compassion, both for the thoughts and for yourself. You are then free to navigate potential scenarios with objectivity, clarity, and maybe even some excitement. All you need is the desire to see life from a different perspective. Not right or wrong, just different. 

I will hold space for you to unearth all that is ready to be mined, helping you craft your jewel of a life. 

If you can dream it, you can create it! It’s a cliche for a reason.