A Year of Reflection 2024
In order to reflect on 2024, I first have to acknowledge the last quarter of 2023. It unfolded in a way I could never have imagined. It was painful, filled with grief and the start of a year of introspection in a deep and soulful way - again, I could have never imagined. It’s not that I haven’t been on this journey for what seems like forever. It’s that the layers are many, each comprised of slight variations of situations and experiences I thought I had cleared. So, I continue to unravel into all the nooks and crannies needing the love and acceptance only I can give them. Honestly, I am grateful…as I reflect, but in the moment…absolutely not!!! Ah, it’s great - this being human desiring to live my soul purpose.
I’d like to think I’ve been cocooning this year, as it has been a year of a lot of alone time. It’s funny, but I have learned I don’t require much to be happy. While the outside world holds beauty, growth and connection, I’ve learned within me I hold all the keys to my ultimate happiness. Now don’t misunderstand, I wasn’t a recluse but I wasn’t a social butterfly either. Come to think of it, I’ve never been a social butterfly. In the past, I think I questioned why that was so. Now though, I’ve come to appreciate it’s just who I am, how I’m wired. I don’t have any social anxieties, I am not anti social or even a party pooper. What I have come to realize and finally accept as my authentic truth, is I don’t enjoy conversation for the sake of saying something or anything. The words “fine” and “OK” are space fillers. Maybe part of it is being raised with my mom’s mantra being “Children should be seen and not heard” or I don’t have a need to interject for the sake of words themselves . Probably it’s a combination of both. I recognize and accept I truly enjoy small intimate conversation by where I can really listen, learn and participate in a way that honors the sanctity of sharing of our truths. I’m a lot like Oriah Mountain Dreamer - her poem which is actually a book called “The Invitation” resonates with me to the depths of my soul. I honor that about her and myself. I want to dive into the deep end of your mind and travel through your heart and visit with your soul.
I understand for some this desire may be a bit intrusive, even uncomfortable because I am asking for something most don’t do for themselves. Deep meaningful conversation can bring up feelings not ready to be felt. For me, it’s typically those feelings tied to my value, or worth - those lingering insecurities hiding deep deep within. Well, I am ready to bring them out into the open, let them see there is nothing to fear and ultimately they may be my greatest gifts.
So, Thank you 2024 for a year of finally seeing the face in the mirror as my most embodied, wise self. Yes, there are still the fears but they’ve been seen, acknowledged and accepted. They’re not leaving, so we have become friends, for I do believe they are the greatest gifts I will share with others. I thank everyone who showed up to help me learn something, whether about you or about me. You are appreciated and have been an essential part my 2024 experience.
I’m reminded of a quote - I am not sure who it belongs to and I hope they don’t mind me using it. Here goes:
The woman I was yesterday, introduced me to the woman I am today;
Which makes me very excited about meeting the woman
I will become tomorrow!
