Imposter Syndrome, by any other name…..
It’s been said that we teach what we most need to learn. Well if that’s true I should probably teach a collegiate level course in overcoming Imposter Syndrome. I know I’m far from the only one who feels bogged down by this; in fact, Imposter Syndrome is kind of trendy, for lack of a better word. If it’s so common, why has no one figured out how to fix it yet? And why does it constantly interfere with my abilities to create the life I desire?
Maybe I should backtrack, go back to basics. Here’s a definition of Imposter Syndrome: “the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways.” This condition often results in people feeling like a fraud or a phony, and doubting their abilities. On further exploration I came to find that there are five kinds of imposter syndrome personalities. Now, to figure out which imposter syndrome personality I have. Yikes.
Let’s see…there’s the perfectionist. That tracks; double Virgo here! Perfection is kind of my middle name. The natural genius is next. That one definitely doesn’t fit. I’m not worried about being a genius and I definitely don’t think I judge myself by exacting standards. The rugged individualist…nope, I’m okay asking for help, in fact I love being part of a highly functioning team. Moving on to the expert…again no, I realize I am constantly learning and growing and I actually really value the learning and growing process. The final personality type is the superhero. No, I’ll leave that for Marvel.
Now I’m really going to go down this rabbit hole so why not come along for the ride with me? Let’s explore some characteristics
An inability to realistically assess competence and skill
Attributing success to external factors
Berating performance
Fear of not living up to expectations (usually one’s own more so than anyone else’s)
Overachieving
Self sabotaging success
Self-doubt
Setting unrealistic goal and then feeling disappointed when not reached
Show of hands - who has not displayed at least one of these characteristics, let’s say today?
So why is this such a phenomenon? Like I said, it seems to be fairly common. A quick Google search taught me that an estimated 70% of people are likely to experience at least one episode of Imposter Syndrome at some point in their life. Or more likely, struggle with it for a lifetime!
(Surprise, surprise), research suggests that upbringing and family dynamics can play a role. Specifically, parenting styles viewed as controlling or over-protective may contribute to the development of Imposter Syndrome in kids. Growing up in a house with high levels of conflict and low levels of support may be an indicator of future Imposter Syndrome related challenges. Geez, another way in which my shitty upbringing has continued to fuck me up. Now, I’m reflecting on the mom I was and wondering if my parenting has impacted my kids just as my upbringing impacted me? Oh, that’s just not something I want to look at right now. We’ll save the generational trauma conversation for another time. I digress.
Personality can play a part, as well as new opportunities. Well that just about covers all of life. Upbringing, personality, and doing new things. What’s left? Selling coconuts on a beach in Hawaii sounds pretty perfect. It seems hard to suffer from Imposter Syndrome cracking a big nut open for its juice. Unless of course your buddy down the way a bit does it better, faster, cooler than you…
What’s left when not even the simplest and easiest living is impervious to the dreaded Imposter Syndrome?!
It almost seems like striving for growth, learning new things, and trying new experiences is a recipe for disaster. But the alternative, staying stuck and stagnant, just seems so counterintuitive to what life is all about. I absolutely don’t buy that feelings of doubt, fears of being wrong or just plain crazy never entered some of the greatest minds that this world has ever known, yet they persevered. Why, and how, were they not discouraged? They didn’t give up even after failure and because of that perseverance, will ultimately be remembered until the end of time for the beauty they created, the mind blowing contributions they left behind.
I don’t know if we need to give everything a name. After all, doesn’t giving it a name give it more weight than it deserves? Can’t it just be the uncertainty of the unknown? At what point did common, everyday knocks to self esteem like not making the soccer team or failing a math test become a Syndrome-inducing experience? So, this begs the question: as a society, teachers, parents, caregivers, anyone coming in contact with another, do we need to be doing more to build up confidence, self worth, and resiliency? Seems to me, the answer is an emphatic YES.
When I think about how many times encouragement, positive words or discussions on what I was feeling might have actually helped, I can clearly see where and when I was slimed by the dreaded Syndrome. There is no blame or judgment; I have a sense of awareness and understanding for myself and perceived flaws, and this gives me a starting place to make some changes.
Believing success is out of your grasp, or when all is perfect you’ll be good enough, or when you are no longer anxious, insecure, stressed, tense or feel like an outsider, then it will happen, whatever it is…none of this shit is constructive. But it is an invitation to take a look at ourselves and our deepest held beliefs. It’s an invitation to ask the tough questions like, do I believe I am worthy and deserving just as I am?
All the answers lie within. When issues come up, we must let them come up and out. Talk to a confidant, journal, question your beliefs and ask “Am I willing to look at this differently?” A shift in perspective can create huge change. After all, thoughts become things. Change the thoughts and you're on your way to creating new beliefs, which create new actions. It seems to me that many have overcome their fears and doubts, so why can’t you or I? I believe we can. One baby step at a time. One question at a time. One feeling at a time. A desire for change is a great place to start. So here goes….I’ll keep you posted on my success!!!!
Source Verywell mind Article by Arlin Cuncicg
Inspiration by Mike Dooley
