When the Familiar Crutch Ceases to Function

This morning started like every other morning. The routine in the kitchen starts with taking vitamins, making coffee and then sitting with this hot, yummy cup of coffee perusing the day’s happenings: go through the emails - delete delete delete, listen to a few podcasts, very briefly look at the main stream news outlets, and the highlight being the NY Times games. Pips - is my new obsession.

It’s been unseasonably chilly in Chicago and this morning was no different - the wind was howling, the sky was gray and my hands were cold. Settling into my morning position on the kitchen chair, checking my phone and what happens next  - NOTHING - the internet is down  - well snap  - there goes the morning routine down the drain. I should have realized with the wind partaking in a swirling dance party through the city streets this might be the case. Its notorious for disturbing the underground internet lines  - weird right?

At first, you might be thinking “what’s the big deal” but what I’ve come to understand is the internet is a huge source of information and time waste I take for granted. I’ve become used to an instantaneous response to my queries. No internet equals  - there is no access to information via the phone, the computer, and there is no TV. Now let’s add in that it’s cold and windy -  so that eliminates going outside to waste time. That leaves the whole day with no where to be and nothing to do - whoa!!! With no scrolling through the time wasters - what does one do?

Now I’m pretty used to being alone, my life here is pretty isolated. I think the reality is as I get older my desire to actively seek friendships and new acquaintances becomes less and less - not that I don’t want company - I just don’t want to go looking for it. You might think it should be easy living in a city to make friends and maybe it is but for me that would mean going to places where people are and frankly, I’m just not that interested. I’ve got enough to keep me busy - except when something paramount to my amusement is unavailable. So, it gives me pause - time for reflection  - time to prioritize what I DO want to do to fill my days. And also the permission to be satisfied with what that list looks like.

So here goes: This life takes place in a different state, and a different home. Yet to be determined.

What would a perfect day look like? After giving it some thought (actually I think about it all the time, so it takes a second to visualize) here is what a perfect day would look like: the morning routine, I’m kind of fond of it. Next would be feeding Sunny who’s a real sleepy head. Her cue is when I get out of bed, she takes my spot  - it’s actually pretty darn cute. A yoga class perhaps at the local yoga studio (an easy way to make friends btw) maybe if it’s a nice day a walk to the coffee shop more for atmosphere than coffee. Returning home, maybe Sunny is ready to go for a walk. There’s time to take in all the sights, smells and sounds nature so graciously gifts us. The trees dropping their leaves, the leaves crunching as we walk, the birds singing their morning song, the blue sky with the brightest sun radiating a warmth only he is capable of, a breeze clear, and crisp -  you know the one that leaves the tip of your nose cold. And the feeling of you can’t wait to get home because you know when you walk through the door the warmth of home will be there to greet you.

And home  - well there are no words for the level of comfort, the depth of contentment I feel and the love the permeates these walls. We are in a symbiotic relationship this home and I. She provides me with warmth, comfort and peace I crave and the more I acclimate and relax into this is “home,” the more my gratitude blossoms for the so much more than shelter she is. I care for every inch of her and she shines under that care, for to me she is a luxury and sight to behold.  The windows let in the sun to warm the rooms, the metal roof sings a song of happiness when it rains. She provides cool air when the temperature rises outside and warmth when the season changes and the cold settles in. She is a refuge when the outside noise gets too loud, always providing safety and comfort.

Ah - then there’s this land! The land has welcomed me. We are friends -  I nurture it and it reciprocates with tickling blades of grass, trees that bare flowers and then fruit. Gardens that create a symphony of color and fragrance. The birds and squirrels know that there will always be food and water. The butterflies, bees and hummingbirds know there is everything they need here as well. All are welcome. This is a sanctuary for all and I am so blessed and grateful to be caretaker of this land and home.

There is always something to do, somewhere to go and someone to see. Even when there is nothing to do, there is something to do - just being is enough! Sitting in the porch swing watching nothing and everything simultaneously fills me with unfathomable joy. So if the internet is down  - so be it - it matters not.

Actually, it is much less important these day.

This has been a long roundabout to writing what I know in my heart - I am not where I am meant to be. Internet, friends that’s not the problem  - my soul is screaming for something else. So stay tuned to see if the shift happens in 2026. Here’s hoping and if not, I better get a hotspot.