Undimming

On my morning walks with Sunny, I have some of the biggest aha moments, thoughts worth exploring or downloads needing to be shared. Today was one of those walks. I was reflecting on something that feels both simple and quietly life-changing.

For most of my life, I knew I was doing this, I just didn’t realize how much I had dimmed myself.

Not in obvious, dramatic ways.
Not in a “I’m not allowed to shine” kind of way.

More subtly than that.

Dimmed to make others comfortable.
Dimmed to be understandable.
Dimmed to fit inside roles, expectations, relationships, and environments that didn’t quite know what to do with the fullness or quirkiness of who I am.

I didn’t think of it as dimming at the time.
I thought of it as being adaptable. Kind. Strong. Responsible. Easygoing.

And maybe it was all of those things.

But underneath it, there was a quiet habit of turning the brightness down just a notch… and then another… until what the world saw was a softened version of the real signal.

This past year — through reflection, conversation, and a lot of gentle inner unraveling — something has shifted.

The labels have been falling away.

Strong. Sensitive. Leader. Spiritual. Independent. Healer. Too much. Not enough.

All of them have loosened their grip.

And what’s been left isn’t a new label.
It’s something much more honest.

Just… me.

Not the version shaped to be digestible.
Not the version shaped to be admired.
Not the version shaped to be safe.

But the version that feels natural in my own skin.

I’ve started to notice that when I’m not trying to be anything — not trying to prove, please, hide, or impress — there is a very distinct way my being takes shape.

I move toward depth.
I feel into the spaces between words.
I care about meaning.
I stay present when things are uncomfortable.
I soften without disappearing.

It’s not a performance.
It’s not a strategy.

It’s just the natural shape of my being.

And as I let the light adjust to reflect all of that, something unexpected happens.

I smile.

Not a big, flashy smile.
A quiet, inward one.

The kind that says,
“Oh. There you are.”

I am unique. Not in a better-than way. Not in a louder-than way. Just in a true-to-design way.

And I’ve come to realize something else too.

I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

And that’s not a problem to solve.

Because for the ones I am meant for — the ones who feel nourished, seen, and met in my presence — we are both blessed.

There is so much relief in no longer trying to be universally palatable.

There is so much peace in letting the right connections form around who you actually are, not who you learned to present.

Undimming isn’t about becoming bigger.

It’s about becoming truer.

And from here, life doesn’t feel like something I have to manage as carefully.

It feels more like something I get to inhabit — fully lit. Happily wearing my amazing technicolor dream coat.